Magic Tricks For Dobes
by talanai rialric
Summary: Naruto wants to show Sasuke a magic trick.  After a few botched attempts, he surprises the Uchiha with success, but there's no way Sasuke can stand to be bested.  SasuNaru Lemon Zest.


Magic Tricks for Dobes

"Come on, come on, come _on!"_

"Knock it off dobe, I'm trying to study."

"It'll only take a second, come _on!"_

"Shut up!"

"Make me!"

"Teme!"

"Dobe!"

Naruto leapt at Sasuke, and a minute later the raven found himself tied to his desk chair with an assortment of sheets, ties, and shoelaces. Naruto hadn't played fair, throwing the disgusting fake white rabbit at Sasuke to distract him while he slammed the chair Sasuke occupied into the desk. Hard. While Sasuke tried to breathe, and ran a mental inventory to make sure none of his ribs were broken, Naruto tied him up.

"This had better be good, dobe."

"It's hysterical, I promise. Now come on."

"So, _Magic Tricks for Dummies, _huh? That book was made for you."

"Shut up, I need to concentrate."

Naruto shuffled some cards, studying his book intently.

"Okay….so this goes here, and this one goes…here, and then we flip this like…this…and…shit!"

The cards practically exploded from his hands, flying around the room in an angry storm of laminated paper. Several hit Sasuke in the face, and earned Naruto a growl. He turned around and smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head.

"That wasn't supposed to happen."

"Really?" Sasuke arched an eyebrow.

"You don't have to be so rude about it."

"You didn't have to tie me to a chair."

"I wouldn't have if you would have watched one trick. One, that's all I want, then you can get back to your moldy old…" Naruto peeked around Sasuke to read the cover of the text book. "Atrologogogy…."

"Astrology. Astrology. Okay?" Sasuke snapped.

"Right, whatever. Now I gotta pick up all these cards…"

"You only know one trick? I can see it now, your name in lights. Naruto: The one trick wonder. Or maybe, The one trick pony."

"Shut up! I'm learning. I'll do this one, I got this one down." Naruto rescued the limp white rabbit from the far corner of the room and grabbed a few items off the bed. He turned his back to Sasuke, then snuck a furtive glance over his shoulder.

"No peeking!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Just hurry up with it."

"Right, set." Naruto spun around and flourished a black top hat.

"An empty hat. I need some audience help here…ah, yes, you, the angry young man in front, come on up! Don't be shy."

"I'm tied to the chair, dobe. I'm not going anywhere."

"All right then! I'll come to you." Naruto continued in his exaggerated announcer's voice. He steeped closer to Sasuke and brandished the hat.

"Can you confirm for me that this is an ordinary hat? Completely empty, no special modifications?" Naruto shoved the hat over Sasuke's face "Look closely now."

"Get away from me, you psychotic dobe!"

"Is it empty?"

"What the fu—yes! The god damn hat is empty. Now get it off me!"

Naruto pulled back and shook the hat.

"You got spit in it." He accused, giving Sasuke a wounded puppy look. He shook it again, despairing as the spit dripped out. "That's disgusting."

"That hat is disgusting. Just get on with the trick so I can study."

"Fine. Teme. Now, with a little magic dust… and…" The top ripped out of the hat and the rabbit plopped on the ground. "Shit. Shit. Shit. Damn…ummm….please ignore the rabbit on the ground….we're uh experiencing technical difficulties."

Sasuke snorted.

"Shut up, teme! Like you could do…better…Oh!" Naruto dove behind the bed and rummaged, sending dirty clothes and shoes flying. He emerged with two red hankies. He untied Sasuke and shoved one of the hankies in his hand.

"Okay, okay, okay, so, this is awesome. Here, now wave the hanky, like this. Yeah, no, no, you gotta do big strokes, like this. There, yeah. Now throw it up, and catch it. Okay, yeah, do it again. Good.

"So make a fist with your other hand….yeah, that's a good one, you must've practiced, and tuck the hanky in it. Like….this. See? No, you still have some showing. Tuck it all in. Right, now you take some magic dust out of your pocket and sprinkle it on.

"Well, it's not my fault you don't have pockets, just pretend. Whatever, it's not that important. It's the magic words that really do it. So, Alacazam!"

Sasuke suppressed a laugh and smirked at Naruto's antics. The smug grin quickly faded into astonishment when Naruto produced an egg from the fist where the hanky had been. Sasuke quickly opened his own hand and the red cloth fluttered to the ground.

"…the hell? What did you do? How did you…" Sasuke stammered, at once impressed and annoyed by Naruto's success. How did the dobe succeed when he, Sasuke Uchiha had failed?

"Wanna learn? It's pretty awesome. So, you get this awesome egg. It's got a hole in the back, and it's hollow, and you tuck it in your pocket. Like this. Right, you don't have pockets, so again, pretend. It's not that important."

"Get on with it."

"Right, so then we do the whole hanky bit, and that's when you put the egg in your free hand. But you don't let them see. Then when you tuck the hanky in your hand, you shove it in the egg. That's why the magic dust isn't that important. It's just more misdirection. Then we say the magic words…and Bam!"

"Bam?"

"Yeah, Bam! And then, tadah!"

Sasuke copied the motion, without the "bam".

"No! What the hell Sasuke? You can't just go showing them the hole, that gives away the entire trick. See? You gotta keep the hole in the back. Cool though, right? Like magic?"

"You cheated, with the egg. That's not really magic, it's just sleight of hand."

"Like you could do better."

"Well, I do know a few tricks of my own." Sasuke taunted, tossing the egg and hanky back at Naruto and settling in his chair. Despite his claims of needing to study, he just sat in the chair, watching Naruto.

"What kind of tricks?" Naruto finally asked, suspicious of Sasuke's intent. The raven wore a wolfish grin, and was staring at him hungrily. Naruto shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, I know how to make a dobe blush." Naruto turned bright red at the thought of Sasuke mentioning any of their…other activities.

"See?" Sasuke smirked.

"Not fair! That doesn't count."

"Okay, then. I know how to make a dobe shut up."

Sasuke sprang from the chair and shoved Naruto against the closet door, trapping his lips in a rough his. He pulled back, panting lightly, and smiled. Naruto grinned in a haze, flushed bright red and lost for words.

"See? Now, I need to study."

"But...but wait, Sasuke. Hey, I taught you a trick, you have to teach me one too."

"Hnn."

"It's only fair. After that you can study. Come on, it'll only take a minute."

"Only a minute? If I teach you this trick, it sure as hell better last more than a minute."

"O-okay."

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

"So first you get yourself a dobe." Sasuke intoned seriously.

"Hey! Teme, I didn't insult you during my trick!"

"So? Do you want to learn the trick or not?"

"Learn."

"Then shut up, dobe. Anyway, you get your dobe, and you place him here, like so." Sasuke tugged Naruto over to the bed and pushed him over. He straddled Naruto's hips and drew him into another kiss. Sasuke's hands roamed Naruto's torso, disheveling the wrinkled cotton.

"Then you pull off the wrapping…" Sasuke stripped off Naruto's shirt and tossed it to the floor. "And explore…." Naruto felt Sasuke's lips roaming his chest and neck, hand dipping lower to clench the bony ribs.

"Now, you really make him squirm." Sasuke slid the button of Naruto's jeans open tortuously slow, and slid the pants entirely before sending them to join the shirt. The boxers joined the jeans quickly, and Sasuke's hand started to roam tantalizingly close to the area Naruto most wanted touched.

"Now's the fun part. You make him melt."

Sasuke fell silent as his lips closed around Naruto. The blonde moaned and tried to thrust deeper into the warmth of Sasuke's mouth, but Sasuke pinned him down and laughed. The vibrations elicited another moan. Though Sasuke's mouth was occupied and he couldn't continue his narration, Sasuke continued with his trick.

From the nightstand drawer he stole a bottle of lube, which he applied generously to his hand. He continued to pin Naruto and even hummed to himself a bit while he started to prepare for the final step of the trick. His fingers twisted and scissored, sending burst of pleasure through Naruto, who swore and moan appreciatively, his fingers twisting in Sasuke's hair.

"Please?" Naruto whimpered.

Sasuke pulled back and stood. Naruto whined.

"Hush, dobe. I can't finish the trick like this," Sasuke gestured to his own jeans, sweater, and oxford. "It won't work."

"Oh. Heheh, right. Do you need an assistant?"

"Now that would ruin the trick. You just hold still and shut up, dobe."

Sasuke quickly slipped out of his own clothing and clambered back on top of Naruto. He'd meant to make the moment last by slowly removing each garment to torture his dobe, but his own needs urged him to hasten through and get on with the trick.

A moment to add another squirt of lube, and they were together, moving as one rhythmically challenged entity, sliding and jerking together. Hands roamed and tongues fought for dominance until both pulled back to gulp some much needed air.

Sasuke could feel them inch dangerously close to the edge and redoubled his efforts. No way in hell was his trick going to be a disaster like Naruto's had been. The sudden clenching around him and the way his name fell like a curse from Naruto's lips told him he'd succeeded, and he let himself fall into the white oblivion as well.

Naruto curled against his chest and sighed contentedly.

"I like that trick. But whatta ya call it?"

Sasuke smiled and whispered his answer to the already sleeping Naruto.

"Ladies and gentlemen…that is how you make a dobe shut up."

AN: Tada! This is what happens when I go to a magic show at 2am. I laugh hysterically, and Snowflake the demonic magic rabbit sets little plot bunnies in my head. Originally, I was going to make this K, or perhaps T for swearing, but…I decided Sasuke wouldn't stand letting Naruto be best at something, and would come up with some way to be the best. Sooo…..

Feedback is appreciated…in all forms. If you flame, I have jumbo marshmallows on standby, and could really go for some s'mores (but you're all nice people…_right?_)…Reviews score double!


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